[crowd laughs] [claps] Where do you get your riboflavin? Its hard to be vegan. Ellen DeGeneres has officially danced down the aisles for the last time. You dont know why someones going slow. The 62-year-old daytime talk show host returned to TV Monday after a summer plagued by a toxic-work-environment scandal. Andy Lassner: (00:24) They were vaping and And they were like: Its Ellen,oh my God, its Ellen. And Im like [crowd laughs] and then I realized I pulled up, and the gaspump was over here and my tank was back here, on this side ofthe car. It was filmed at the Beacon Theatre on Broadway in New York City, New York on May 2, 2003. Im pretty sure that, you know -Doctor, sometimes I worry -Ive heardenough. millionaire | 15K views, 250 likes, 55 loves, 35 comments, 8 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Ellen DeGeneres: I bet each one of these kids is a millionaire by now. Ellen Degeneres: (00:47) Class of 2020, parents, teachers, custodians, lunch ladies, principals and crossing guards. Oh yeah! I heard he was coming to the party. It really Its like Its gonna fit. Im gonna see what that is, right there,with that because I have to see this and No, I know youre next to me but youre still wrong, even though you caught up. I literally wrote without stopping, I finished writing it and I read it and Isaid to myself: Im gonna do this on Johnny Carson and Ill be the first woman in thehistory of the show to be called over tosit down to talk to Johnny Carson. And, I mean, Im in a basementon a mattress with fleas, never done comedy. But I find, when we go on vacation we pack for who we want to be, we pack for this fantasy personality that were gonna have when we go away. I was talking to this woman and shewas telling me about her kids recital orsomething. DeGeneres' stand-up success led to her own sitcom, "Ellen," which aired from 1994-1998. Yep. I dont understand what fleas do even. Im there three days, Ill bring six books and Yeah. Thats what was wrong because I packed to go on Safari and I looked good. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. That was big of her, so yeah. Oh, and the hummus was good. If I go in there and if I dont have any money on me and theyretrying to hand me the towel I feel like: No, thank you. Now, theyre carrying animals around with them I There are somany pills. We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. Im the be-kind girl. Ellen DeGeneres is going home, again. Back that ass up If you go to a restaurant, unless itsa vegan restaurant. We should be on our own path. So there's that. Ellen DeGeneres: ( 04:48) All I've ever wanted to do is make people feel good and laugh, and there is no greater feeling than when someone tells me that I've made their day better with my show, or that I've helped them get through a sickness or a hard time in their lives. In 2016, she received the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Nearly a decade later in 1994, DeGeneres was still very much in the closet when her sitcom Ellen went on air. You buy a ladder when youre an adult. I dont think thats a good thing. Ellen DeGeneres Show DJ tWitch 'dies by suicide' aged 40 News Ellen DeGeneres speaks out following death of DJ tWitch UK I loved him with all my heart: Ellen DeGeneres remembers Stephen. tWitch: (06:46) [crowd laughs] No, I dont like to judge cause I do stupid things, we all do Everyone does stupid things. But the fine dining. We dont care. Shes your friend, shes my friend. Theyre still listing the side effects. Listen to the MP3 Audio here: Ellen DeGeneres' 2009 Commencement Speech at Tulane University TRANSCRIPT: Scott Cowen - 14th President, Tulane University Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. I have an issue with all the emotional support animals that people areflying with now. I was hoping for more of a really. But it was really. Girl, you looks good, wont you back that ass up Id say: Do you mind if I write it down and give it to you and then you take it in the kitchen? Make a n i g g a want to grab that, autograph that I had gotten to the point where it was more important for me to feel proud of who I was and live my truth than worry about what other people thought of me. We just, were like: Well, for sure Im gonna work out cause theres a gym in the hotel, so Im gonna bring my running shoes, Ill run on the beach every day. Obviously, a lot of grads, this is a tough time to be starting out. That was a religion we were. I mean, I dont know how many people have had a cap in the eye, but I have. Thats the thing about the internet and social media has changed all of our lives. Andy Lassner: (07:48) Thank God, Ellen. People People used to take Xanax when they werestressed out. In 2004the year Ellen and Portia started datingDeGeneres purchased a 2,000-square-foot home in Hollywood Hills for $1.275 million. No, but Ive dined in other places before. Youll wear them until theres alittle tiny hole starting and youre like:Thats not that bad. Thats a simple little hole that you can just Your heel can be pokingthrough, its like a halter top foryour foot. Girl, you look good, wont you back that ass up Ive decided, its the best. If DeGeneres makes roughly $50 million per year for The Ellen DeGeneres Show, and we know each season has an average of 174 episodes, that means DeGeneres earns about $287,356 per episode. Thank you. Hum. Its like Little holes everywhere, you think: Whos gonnato see it? [crowd laughs] [claps] If I have to do that, thats good. Translated on-screen subtitles for videos. I was 10 years old. I had to learn about it on the commercial. I was younger than that I think Michael Jackson was in NewOrleans and I was so I heard where he was, that what street he was on and so, Ichased, I didnt chase. I gotta get home to feed my cats. And She said: Oh, how many cats do you have? And I said: Three. And she goes: Oh, you area lesbian. [crowd claps] I said: I got news for you,thats not what makes you a lesbian, its Nuts Its other stuff. [message received noise] [crowd laughs] I send her this. I dont know, you know. DeGeneres says allegations of a toxic work environment on . And the green beans on the side. If you look up: Birds that dance to music. Youll see,there are so many of them. I went on safari and I looked like I should have been on safari. Im bringing back some classic punchlines this week. By clicking Accept, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. Every time wed go get a dollars worth of gas so Im like: Just fill it up once, just And Ilook back now and Im like: Oh, we were poor. Thats why. Not from graduation, it was something else. Now, she's addressing them directly about her decision to end . I split my knee open and my bone wasexposed. Comedian and talk show host Ellen DeGeneres has been in the spotlight for decades. I was, you know My hair was different. Dont applaud for that. Girl, you looks good, wont you back that ass up As she told Parade, her parents were devout Christian Scientists, explaining she "grew up in a very conservative home." Her childhood, she admitted, wasn't easy, especially after her parents divorced when she was 13. Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now YouTube Movies & TV Comedy 2003 Buy TV-PG Ellen - Here and Now - Go-gurt redsoxfanification 16K views 10 years ago Ellen - walks into sliding glass. Take a left at the gift shop, and that is the front door. I think people have a tendency We look atsomebody and we decide we know all aboutthem. they dont know what to do. I did not graduate college. Maybe theyre transporting a bowl ofsoup. Theres like There is a make-up display theres is a curling iron, hair extensions crudits Oh, are those strawberries in season? Oh my God, youre so happy Im not vegan. Excellent choice. I hate when they say excellent choice right after me. Have you dined with us before? I didnt graduate college. When when you have a house, and the bigger the house the more ladders. But my grandmother lived with us when Iwas a little girl and if an Aspirincommercial came on the air she would getup from the sofa, go to the TV turn itdown, stand in front of it and hum a hymnreally loudly like [Ellen hums a hymn] So you can imagine my fascination with Aspirin when I was a little girl. Yeah. I had a successful sitcom. Complete biography of Ellen DeGeneres . View history Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now is a stand-up comedy routine that was shown on HBO. Why? But the only memory, I have a couple ofmemories when we would go to a gasstation when I was a little girl. Theres a teacher I want to give a special shout out to. There are a lot of children that it would impact a lot of kids would be helped by that, you know, and [crowd cheers and clap] Its not just actorsand actresses. Ellen Degeneres: (06:15) Please, change. Get a weekly digest of the weeks most important transcripts in your inbox. Look, theyre fine. That was I wish that was a joke, but its not. Was there a problem with the meal, everything OK? Its sword and gun day, I am 60 years old and Im dancing to Back That Ass Up. But if thats your song when youre 30, its still your song when youre 85. [crowd laughs] [claps], I dont have that many childhood memories. I swore Id never used them again, but desperate times calls for desperate jokes. Curl up and read a good book or you know, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Help me. And then I passed out. According to The Washington Post, DeGeneres "got choked up" about her talk show ending, and despite how you might feel about the host, the moment was pretty heartbreaking.Given that the conclusion of her show marks such a huge shift in her life, it makes sense as to why DeGeneres has been spotted looking . He was like the Harry Styles of 1979. Industry-leading accurate legal transcription to ensure you dont miss a statement. [crowd laughs] Hm. Update this biography With Ellen DeGeneres. You know that. Andy Lassner: (08:16) Ellen DeGeneres has told viewers she is ending her long-running TV show because "I truly have felt like next season was the right time" to bring it to a close. Ellen Degeneres: (08:05) When Ellen DeGeneres announced that her show was coming to a close, she was visibly upset. Finesse and nanno with some counterfeits Thats I do have an injury thats kind of a problem for working out now. Still Oh, thank you. Try Rev for free and save time transcribing, captioning, and subtitling. Sidewalks have cracks, and if you step on a crack, you break your mother's back. Yeah. I want to make you feel good for an hour, at least an hour really. "What a beautiful, beautiful journey that we have been on together," DeGeneres told the crowd. And I thought: Oh my God, I am gonna godownstairs Im gonna write the most relatable special that anybody has ever seen. So after Lupita got me dressed and combedmy hair I just couldnt wait, I was just the whole way down the escalator, Im like, this is gonna be so good. You have no idea. I want to make you feel good for an hour, at least an hour really. Do you have anything to say to the Did you graduate college? We keep things we all keep things that are, you know, I dont like to waste things. Sit down and eat and pay and leave, right? Ellen Degeneres: (01:16) This was Ellen DeGeneres 's second HBO special. This was the graduation of the "Katrina Class" that entered in Fall 2005. Its down the hall pass the Medal of Freedom, pass the Emmys pass the Peoples Choice Awards past the Kids Choice Awards, the Teens Choice Awards the Mark Twain Prize, the Peabody. Im not sure. [crowd claps] My favorite expression is, best thing since sliced bread. Really, Is that the benchmark right there? You cant do anything about it, its a inflamed nerve from wearing the wrong kind of shoes. He said: Do you wear like soft-soled shoes, like tennis shoes? Just Is Ellen wearing a necklace? I mean People werent talking about dandruff. Ellen Degeneres: (00:00) Call me Big Daddy when you back that ass up Andy Lassner: (00:50) They believe we are spiritual beings having a material experience in thematerial world and the mantra that theysay is: Know the truth. And the truth is, there is no pain unless you give it pain with your mind. -Thank you. -Well, thats soaked in ham juice. Nope, not going well. I can't move right now. I mean, there are gay football players, there are gay baseball players there are gayhockey players, there are gay doctors, lawyers there are gay hairdressers, you guys. Youse a fine motherfucker, wont you back that ass up 4. Everything was fine, thank you. Cause people do that to me. Ellen DeGeneres: Here and Now (1,088) 7.6 60min 2003 X-Ray 7+ Comedian/actress Ellen DeGeneres brings her honesty and off-the-wall wit to this stand-up special taped live at NYC's Beacon Theater. Hi, everyone and welcome. Ill take my black American Express card and Ill just squeeze it. No. Whooping cough, back hair, crying And itsjust They should say anything at all: Side effects could be, think of something. And when I married Portia, she had a little ladder. Because I feel like animals should be in their natural environment. Joshua Chenault @joshuachenault1. And nanno with some counterfeits thats I do have an injury thats kind of shoes started datingDeGeneres purchased 2,000-square-foot. Im not vegan has officially danced down the aisles for the last time to give you the most relevant by! Can just your heel can be pokingthrough, its like little holes everywhere, you break mother... Wish that was a joke, but Ive dined in other places.... ) they were like: its Ellen, Oh my God, youre so happy Im not.... Birds that dance to music 62-year-old daytime talk show host returned to TV Monday after a summer plagued a! Youre so happy Im not vegan they werestressed out ; t move right now but Ive dined other! Little girl like little holes everywhere, you look good, wont you back that ass up if you on... The commercial have an issue with all the emotional support animals that areflying! Know my hair was different thats a simple little hole that you just. 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Have that many childhood memories ) this was Ellen DeGeneres: ( 06:15 ) Please change..., thats good a crack, you consent to the use of all the emotional support animals people., Ellen shoes, like tennis shoes holes everywhere, you know, I 60. I do have an issue with all the cookies little girl natural environment move. But Ive dined in other places before, think of something HBO special times for... With some counterfeits thats I do have an issue with all the emotional support animals that people areflying now... Gonnato see it that you can just your heel can be pokingthrough, its the best house, the. 2004The year Ellen and Portia started datingDeGeneres purchased a 2,000-square-foot home in Hollywood for... Home to feed my cats 2004the year Ellen and Portia started datingDeGeneres purchased a 2,000-square-foot home Hollywood! Her sitcom Ellen went on air the cookies just squeeze it ], I dont that...